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¡Chúpate esa!

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«¡Me has matado, zorra! ¡Serás mamona!» Estar muerto es un asco. Igual que estar no muerto. Y, si no, que se lo pregunten a Thomas Flood, que, al despertarse tras la noche más fantástica de su vida, descubre que su novia, Jody, es un vampiro. Y ¡sorpresa! Ahora él también lo es. Lo del mordisco habría hecho romper a muchas parejas. Pero Tommy y Jody están enamorados. Lo ma «¡Me has matado, zorra! ¡Serás mamona!» Estar muerto es un asco. Igual que estar no muerto. Y, si no, que se lo pregunten a Thomas Flood, que, al despertarse tras la noche más fantástica de su vida, descubre que su novia, Jody, es un vampiro. Y ¡sorpresa! Ahora él también lo es. Lo del mordisco habría hecho romper a muchas parejas. Pero Tommy y Jody están enamorados. Lo malo es que corre el rumor de que el chupasangre que mordió a Jody no debía reclutar más miembros para el club. Y lo que es peor: los antiguos compañeros de bolos de Tommy andan tras él, enviados por una prostituta de Las Vegas teñida de azul a la que llaman Blue (cómo no). Y esa sí que es una mamona.


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«¡Me has matado, zorra! ¡Serás mamona!» Estar muerto es un asco. Igual que estar no muerto. Y, si no, que se lo pregunten a Thomas Flood, que, al despertarse tras la noche más fantástica de su vida, descubre que su novia, Jody, es un vampiro. Y ¡sorpresa! Ahora él también lo es. Lo del mordisco habría hecho romper a muchas parejas. Pero Tommy y Jody están enamorados. Lo ma «¡Me has matado, zorra! ¡Serás mamona!» Estar muerto es un asco. Igual que estar no muerto. Y, si no, que se lo pregunten a Thomas Flood, que, al despertarse tras la noche más fantástica de su vida, descubre que su novia, Jody, es un vampiro. Y ¡sorpresa! Ahora él también lo es. Lo del mordisco habría hecho romper a muchas parejas. Pero Tommy y Jody están enamorados. Lo malo es que corre el rumor de que el chupasangre que mordió a Jody no debía reclutar más miembros para el club. Y lo que es peor: los antiguos compañeros de bolos de Tommy andan tras él, enviados por una prostituta de Las Vegas teñida de azul a la que llaman Blue (cómo no). Y esa sí que es una mamona.

30 review for ¡Chúpate esa!

  1. 4 out of 5

    Marian Willeke

    First of all, I would normally never even think to read this book. But as I was looking at the clearance rack, a kid, ie teenager, approached me. "Hey, do you like vampires?" I was disturbed how unfazed I was with the completely random question. "Sure." Slightly wary. "Have you heard of Moore?" He's a vampire now? That answers a lot of questions. "Michael Moore?" I'm riffling books hoping he'll go away. "No, not that crazy one, this is a Christopher Moore. He's hilarious and has his own cult started." First of all, I would normally never even think to read this book. But as I was looking at the clearance rack, a kid, ie teenager, approached me. "Hey, do you like vampires?" I was disturbed how unfazed I was with the completely random question. "Sure." Slightly wary. "Have you heard of Moore?" He's a vampire now? That answers a lot of questions. "Michael Moore?" I'm riffling books hoping he'll go away. "No, not that crazy one, this is a Christopher Moore. He's hilarious and has his own cult started." The clarification didn't really help gain any brownie points for Christopher Moore. "Ummmm, that's cool." Looking for exit. The kid picks up a book on the clearance rack. "Try him. You'll love it. If you like vampires, you'll LOVE this book." I read, "You Suck...A Love Story." Is he high or something? This looks like a a suckASS book. "OK, thanks, I'll give it a try." I bought the book, and now I'm so grateful that the kid decided that I was the vampire loving type of chick. It is impossible to completely classify this book. So when you see the basic description of "A love story" on the cover, that's the best way to explain it. It's a love story of vampires that is hysterically funny! I can't even begin to try and explain why it's funny, so just read it. You'll start out being a little stunned, then you'll giggle, then you'll just laugh continuously. Whatever you do, DO NOT READ THE LAST SENTENCE OF THE BOOK UNTIL IT'S TIME! It's a special sentence that will break you for a few days, but you need the context of the book first. My favourite characters? Abby Normal and Chet, the huge shaved cat.

  2. 5 out of 5

    Lyn

    Another very funny book from Christopher Moore, this one the middle book in his vampire trilogy. Not as outrageous or imaginative as the other two, this is still vintage Moore with his unique way of dealing with a well worn fantasy subject. Moore may have thought of this trilogy a long time ago, and so he may not be a part of the glutted market (or he is) but not even his comedic talent can completely offset the rush to vampirism that has plagued our books for a while.

  3. 4 out of 5

    Amanda

    Funny, with some definitely quotable moments. However, for me, Moore's vampire series is the weakest of his work. That's not an insult--I still enjoy them and definitely snicker out loud in ways that make those around me pick up their things and stealthily move away from the crazy person, but they're a little too "wink, wink, nudge, nudge" sometimes in their humor. What impresses me with Moore is that, often among all of the wacky chaos, he can sneak up on you with a beautiful turn of phrase or Funny, with some definitely quotable moments. However, for me, Moore's vampire series is the weakest of his work. That's not an insult--I still enjoy them and definitely snicker out loud in ways that make those around me pick up their things and stealthily move away from the crazy person, but they're a little too "wink, wink, nudge, nudge" sometimes in their humor. What impresses me with Moore is that, often among all of the wacky chaos, he can sneak up on you with a beautiful turn of phrase or moment that catches you off-guard. The scene where Jody feeds off of a man with terminal cancer is beautiful and touching without being maudlin. Don't worry that there are too many moments like this, though, as there's plenty of Moore's trademark "heinous fuckery most foul." Cross posted at This Insignificant Cinder

  4. 5 out of 5

    Rusty

    This is my first Chris Moore book. I quickly realized that this was a sequel, but I was already into the story. Why? Because Moore is fricking hilarious. This is the story of two rookie vampires (Jody and Tommy) who are doing their best to avoid the law, former friends, and giving in completely to their primal natures. And of course they need a minion. Enter Abby Normal. Her greatest struggle is trying to shove down her inherent perkiness and embrace the darkness of goth, or whatever she is. Her This is my first Chris Moore book. I quickly realized that this was a sequel, but I was already into the story. Why? Because Moore is fricking hilarious. This is the story of two rookie vampires (Jody and Tommy) who are doing their best to avoid the law, former friends, and giving in completely to their primal natures. And of course they need a minion. Enter Abby Normal. Her greatest struggle is trying to shove down her inherent perkiness and embrace the darkness of goth, or whatever she is. Her narration of the story is one of the most entertaining aspects of the book. Then there’s the bronzed (literally) vampire who sired Jody. The two fledgling vampires must decide what to do with him so he will no longer be a threat. So, if you like vampires who don’t take themselves too seriously (or brood, or sparkle), hilarity, and the mocking of goth/emo/death punk kids (and who doesn’t?), this is the book for you.

  5. 5 out of 5

    Bruce

    I love Christopher Moore. I mean, I really, really love this guy's writing. I've given his books to friends, made them required reading for classes that I've taught, and generally done everything I could to help him along. But this one...well, the title pretty much says it all. Moore slapped together a thin plot, an ongoing lovers' quarrel, some gimmicky scenes, a major deus ex machina, and an ending that is truly lame. When the guy is on, he is fantastic. And when he's off, well, he sucks.

  6. 5 out of 5

    Debra

    When I picked up this book to fulfill a book club requirement, I did not know that it was the second book of a trilogy. I don't feel that I missed much. I think the Author gave enough of a backstory that I did not need to go back and read the first book. For me, it did well as a stand alone book. I didn't love it but I didn't hate it either. I liked it. It had some clever and funny moments. The part of the book I enjoyed most was Abby's diary entries. They were fun.

  7. 5 out of 5

    Weavre

    Blech. I really enjoyed the last Christopher Moore novel and decided to try another, despite the fact that the plot isn't ordinarily one that would draw my attention. I picked this one because (1) it was handy on the library shelf, and (2) it was written after A Dirty Job and I thought that meant it was likely to be written at least as well. That was a mistake. This one's going back to the library unfinished, because I'm just not wasting any more time on it. I read about a quarter of the book, in Blech. I really enjoyed the last Christopher Moore novel and decided to try another, despite the fact that the plot isn't ordinarily one that would draw my attention. I picked this one because (1) it was handy on the library shelf, and (2) it was written after A Dirty Job and I thought that meant it was likely to be written at least as well. That was a mistake. This one's going back to the library unfinished, because I'm just not wasting any more time on it. I read about a quarter of the book, in which stupid, not particularly likable characters bumble their way through a stupid and artificial plot. Usually, if I read even that much of a book, I'll see it through to the end, if for no other reason than to find out what happens to the characters I've started to know. This time, though, I really don't care.

  8. 5 out of 5

    Terri ♥ (aka Mrs. Christian Grey)

    Quick review: Cover: Eh Rating: NC-17 Steaminess: Steamy Thumbs Up: 4 Overall: Still funny Characters: Well Written Plot: The accidental vampire and her lover still mucking things up Page Turner: Yes Series Cont.? Yes Recommend: Yes Book Boyfriend: Thomas C. Flood SUMMARY (50 words or less) I wasn’t sure when I started this one if it would live up to the first one, but as I got into it, the laughs were plentiful. Floor and Abby Normal were priceless. The hilarity of taken an accidental vampire and ho Quick review: Cover: Eh Rating: NC-17 Steaminess: Steamy Thumbs Up: 4 Overall: Still funny Characters: Well Written Plot: The accidental vampire and her lover still mucking things up Page Turner: Yes Series Cont.? Yes Recommend: Yes Book Boyfriend: Thomas C. Flood SUMMARY (50 words or less) I wasn’t sure when I started this one if it would live up to the first one, but as I got into it, the laughs were plentiful. Floor and Abby Normal were priceless. The hilarity of taken an accidental vampire and how she copes continues on in this installment. For a full review and yummy pic, see my blog post at: http://mybookboyfriend.blogspot.com/2... Audio Review Susan Bennett brings this narration to life. I swear I’m not sure I would have enjoyed the book quiet as much without her lively interpretation. She just brings that little extra.

  9. 5 out of 5

    Shannon

    Years ago, I read Lamb by Christopher Moore and loved it. I'm not sure if my tastes have changed or if Moore's output is just not consistent, but I hated this book. In fact, this may actually be the worst book I've ever read. I considered quitting at several points, but with books and movies I have a need to see how they end even if I don't like them, so I trudged on. For starters, I didn't realize right away that this book is a sequel. If this is indicated anywhere on my copy of the book, I sure Years ago, I read Lamb by Christopher Moore and loved it. I'm not sure if my tastes have changed or if Moore's output is just not consistent, but I hated this book. In fact, this may actually be the worst book I've ever read. I considered quitting at several points, but with books and movies I have a need to see how they end even if I don't like them, so I trudged on. For starters, I didn't realize right away that this book is a sequel. If this is indicated anywhere on my copy of the book, I sure don't see it. That having been said, this series isn't exactly Game of Thrones so I didn't feel too lost by starting on book #2, but there were certain parts of the story that I felt like might have made more sense if I had read the books in order. Almost immediately after I started this book, Moore's writing style started to irritate me. The first 3/4 or so of this book is almost all dialogue. This gets a little better toward the end, once the climax starts and there's more action, but by that point, I just wanted to get it over with and didn't really care anymore. Even worse than the excessive dialogue is the fact that I was ambivalent, at best, about the characters. Most of them, I actively disliked. Many reviews of this book, even negative ones, mentioned that they enjoyed Abby Normal's diary entries but I couldn't even get into those. I didn't feel invested in what was happening to any of the characters, which made for a pretty boring read. At one point midway through the book, I actually started to have some hope during a scene in which Jody is walking through the city alone at night, and the book gets into how she loves to walk around at night as a vampire and feel powerful and in control, after being scared to do the same thing as a human woman. I empathized with that and began to feel like okay, maybe I can connect to this character. Unfortunately a couple of pages later Moore went back to dead hooker jokes or something and completely lost me again. Speaking of the jokes - I feel like a lot of this book's sins could have been forgiven if it was actually funny. I can't quite put my finger on why, but I never even cracked a smile. It felt like Moore was trying too hard. I could tell when it was *supposed* to be funny, but none of the jokes actually struck me as such. In fact, many jokes in this book are downright offensive. Now, I'm no prude. I love a lot of humor that is dirty or politically incorrect - when it's done right. This was not. The book feels like it was written by a thirteen year old boy. The constant objectification of women really grated on my nerves. That, along with racial slurs, jokes about rape and necrophilia, and flippant asides about things like eating disorders and Columbine that I think were actually meant to be funny, was just too much. After reading this book, I'm tempted to go back and re-read Lamb to see if it's as good as I thought it was, but to be honest, I think it's going to be a while before I can bring myself to pick up a Christopher Moore book again.

  10. 5 out of 5

    AH

    3.5 stars You Suck: A Love Story is a hilarious romp through San Francisco. The book focuses on Jody and Tommy, two new fledgling vampires and their rather unconventional love. Jody bites Tommy and makes him a vampire. He is not too happy with his new condition, but is easily distracted by Jody and the allure of wild monkey sex with her. Christopher Moore’s vampires have interesting powers. They can turn to mist when necessary, which helps them get out of trouble (or causes trouble). They burn i 3.5 stars You Suck: A Love Story is a hilarious romp through San Francisco. The book focuses on Jody and Tommy, two new fledgling vampires and their rather unconventional love. Jody bites Tommy and makes him a vampire. He is not too happy with his new condition, but is easily distracted by Jody and the allure of wild monkey sex with her. Christopher Moore’s vampires have interesting powers. They can turn to mist when necessary, which helps them get out of trouble (or causes trouble). They burn in the sunlight or with UV ray exposure. During daylight, they sleep like the dead. The attraction of this book was the unique cast of characters. Everyone in this book is crazy in their own special way. Each character or set of characters gets their own little subplot, guaranteed to make you laugh. Parts of the book are narrated by Abby von Normal, a teenage wannabe nosferatu and sometimes goth. Abby is Tommy’s minion, his daylight helper. She is infatuated with Tommy, and would do anything to become a vampire. In fact, she thinks she is a vampire after Jody takes a drink from her. Abby’s diary contains astute observations, a little bit of teen rebellion, and a lot of great new vocabulary like “endorken.” Abby’s friend Jared adds some humor to the mix. He is a gay teenager living with his parents who are in denial. Other cast characters include Chet the really big shaved cat (who makes a rather large appearance in the next book). Tommy’s night shift friends from the Safeway store – the Animals – add even more comic relief as they cash in their money from the previous book and run off to Vegas. They return with the Blue, a blue prostitute with rather large silicon implants. She manages to service the boys and steal all of their money. Jody and Tommy continue to try to evade Jody’s maker – Elijah. They had him encased in bronze but he manages to escape. Much mayhem ensues. I truly enjoyed this series. Each book can be read on its own, or even out of order. It doesn’t really matter. If you need a book to cheer you up and make you laugh, then this is the book for you.

  11. 4 out of 5

    Chris M.

    I was expecting more from this book since Moore wrote it after Dirty Job. But, where Dirty Job was nicely crafted, well-paced, and original, You Suck was not quite the same. It is certainly an original take on a story that's been told over and over again. Vampires are not original but Moore does add some nice texture and moral complexity to the creatures. Unfortunately, I found the pacing awkward. Moore switches back and forth from third person narrative to first person through the conceit of ha I was expecting more from this book since Moore wrote it after Dirty Job. But, where Dirty Job was nicely crafted, well-paced, and original, You Suck was not quite the same. It is certainly an original take on a story that's been told over and over again. Vampires are not original but Moore does add some nice texture and moral complexity to the creatures. Unfortunately, I found the pacing awkward. Moore switches back and forth from third person narrative to first person through the conceit of having one of the characters write in a diary. For me, it ruined the flow of the third person narrative. Just as some of the scenes would get to the climax, Moore goes into diary mode and describes the scene as a past event. The effect was interesting the first time, curious the second, and, ultimately, annoying. That being said, the diary sections are pretty humorous. All things considered, it is a fun, entertaining, and quick read. Note to Christopher Moore: What is the deal with "palming" doors shut? Is it like some secret game to see how many novels you can put it in? Why? Personally, I was it over by the second time it appeared in Diry Job, but then I saw it in Island of the Sequined Love Nun, You Suck, Blood Sucking Fiends, Lamb, and Fluke. Though it is entirely possible that by the time I got to Fluke I was just seeing things. You know, like those pschology tests where your brain fills in the parts that are missing. Also, I like you as a writer. You take some risks with style and convention that I think pay off nicely. With Dirty Job, I felt like you'd finally hit your stride. You Suck seemed like either you wrote it before Dirty Job and just didn't get it published right away or you'd spent too much time with the Animals turkey bowling and then had to cram to make deadline. Anyway, please don't go all Tom Clancy/Ann Rice on us. You know, write a great story, write another great story, keep repeatedly writing the same once great, now tired story over and over and over.

  12. 5 out of 5

    Howard

    I gave this book a five star rating because it sucked me in so hard that I stayed up all night to read it, cover to cover. I read slowly, so this is pretty intense. As the book introduces a newly converted vampire Tommy Flood, I can't help but think that this is how I would probably behave if I were suddenly transformed - that is, curious, clumsy, and full of desire for mad vampire sex. What I probably wouldn't accomplish as well as the Dark Lord Flood is the dry wit and wise cracks, which make I gave this book a five star rating because it sucked me in so hard that I stayed up all night to read it, cover to cover. I read slowly, so this is pretty intense. As the book introduces a newly converted vampire Tommy Flood, I can't help but think that this is how I would probably behave if I were suddenly transformed - that is, curious, clumsy, and full of desire for mad vampire sex. What I probably wouldn't accomplish as well as the Dark Lord Flood is the dry wit and wise cracks, which make this book a joy to read. My only criticism is that, as the book goes on, more and more of the story is told through the journal of teenage minion, Abby Normal. I much preferred Moore's story telling style over the style he impersonates to tell the story through the minion. Not that they're bad, but I found them a bit long winded - perhaps a by-product of my slow reading speed. I found myself very attached to the main characters Jody and Tommy. This led me to be a bit heart-wrenched by the end of the tale. If Moore writes a sequel to this, I will be eager to read it. The world he has set up definitely has room for a few more adventures.

  13. 5 out of 5

    Will Byrnes

    This is a laugh-out-loud novel in which vampirism meets slacker youth in San Francisco. The opening line is a classic “You bitch, you killed me! You suck!” Young Tommy Flood awakes to find that his girlfriend, Jodi, has killed him, with her bite transforming him into a creature of the night. She wanted company and the old guy who turned her only a few months back was not to her liking. He had not been able to do much about it, having been attacked, robbed and ultimately bronzed by Tommy and his This is a laugh-out-loud novel in which vampirism meets slacker youth in San Francisco. The opening line is a classic “You bitch, you killed me! You suck!” Young Tommy Flood awakes to find that his girlfriend, Jodi, has killed him, with her bite transforming him into a creature of the night. She wanted company and the old guy who turned her only a few months back was not to her liking. He had not been able to do much about it, having been attacked, robbed and ultimately bronzed by Tommy and his buddies, a Greek chorus of comedic mayhem known as the Animals. The learning curve is a steep one and Tommy is faced with learning the ins and out of his new self. It is particularly important figuring out how to get some coffee as the vampire body is highly resistant to anything resembling normal human fare. The cast of characters is a rich one, with The Emperor, a homeless guy who runs things on the street, William, a homeless derelict and owner of a very large cat, a 16-year-old wannabe who attaches herself to Tommy and Jodi, a Vegas hooker who had made herself blue to keep business alive, and who the Animals had acquired while running through the several hundred grand they’d gotten from the old bloodsucker. A memorable line here was “Admit it. Didn’t you always want to bone a Smurf?” Neither the plot nor the outcome matters much here. The joy of this book is the journey and the characters. Maybe not an appropriate read for the stuffy, but for those with a sense of humor, and who can tolerate being stared at by other subway passengers for out loud guffawing, it is a delicious read.

  14. 4 out of 5

    Jeff

    There are many distinct umbrages I would like to take with Christopher Moore in general and this book in particular. However, I realize the problem here is more with me than it is with Moore. Like most of his work, "You Suck" is an outlandish, mildly entertaining story within a story that references previous books and resurrects old characters. Unfortunately, I simply do not have the ability to retain much of what Moore writes in my head for more than a few minutes. I finished reading this book There are many distinct umbrages I would like to take with Christopher Moore in general and this book in particular. However, I realize the problem here is more with me than it is with Moore. Like most of his work, "You Suck" is an outlandish, mildly entertaining story within a story that references previous books and resurrects old characters. Unfortunately, I simply do not have the ability to retain much of what Moore writes in my head for more than a few minutes. I finished reading this book no more than a month ago and I already remember next to nothing about it other than the rough outlines of its vampires-in-love plot and the fact that one of the book's characters happened to be a female prostitute styled after members of The Blue Man Group. Similarly, Moore's previous books (except "Fluke", which I really enjoyed) have long since departed from my memory, leaving many of the references and characters in this book completely lost on me and the entire work feeling incomplete. All that aside, "You Suck" is definitely good for a few laughs and moves swiftly, making it well suited for a frivolous summer read. Moore remains the rather unexceptional lovechild of Tom Robbins and Jimmy Buffet, inheriting only the superficial silliness of the former and the general insouciance of the latter. And I remain an inexplicably loyal reader who, twelve months from now, will likely find myself wondering why the next Christopher Moore book seems lacking as it references this work.

  15. 5 out of 5

    C.T. Phipps

    I enjoyed this installment of A Love Story more than I did BLOODSUCKING FIENDS. I suppose because this didn't contain a "comedic" scene about consent. In this case, the tone is also much more consistently black humor. Our protagonists are now both vampires and bodies start dropping around them constantly with a blue-skinned hooker, a returned ancient vampire fresh from being bronzed, and really bad self-control from our antiheroes. The real gem of the book, though, is Allison a.k.a Abby Normal t I enjoyed this installment of A Love Story more than I did BLOODSUCKING FIENDS. I suppose because this didn't contain a "comedic" scene about consent. In this case, the tone is also much more consistently black humor. Our protagonists are now both vampires and bodies start dropping around them constantly with a blue-skinned hooker, a returned ancient vampire fresh from being bronzed, and really bad self-control from our antiheroes. The real gem of the book, though, is Allison a.k.a Abby Normal the Perky Goth Girl minion our protagonists recruit despite being two of the dumbest vampires in the history of fiction. Abby is a nonstop dribble of hilarious observations, rapid fire quips, and verbal diarrhea that attempts to be profound but is just entertaining as hell. In other words the perfect sixteen year old. Some of the jokes verge on the uncomfortable then go sailing right past it but I found it had quite a lot going for it. Certainly, Abby is awesome. 8/10

  16. 5 out of 5

    Shelli

    I started this and thought "Really? This is dumb." Then I looked up my friend's reviews and was like…"Hmmmm, they seem to like it." It was a challenge book for me, so I decided to keep on…hoping it would get tolerable at least. As I got further, I found that I was more interested….had a few chuckles. I started thinking…"Oh yeah, I remember these characters…they are quite funny." By 80%……I was LAUGHING OUT LOUD!!! Too funny. Christopher Moore you crack me up! Abby Normal is "the bomb!" Not quite I started this and thought "Really? This is dumb." Then I looked up my friend's reviews and was like…"Hmmmm, they seem to like it." It was a challenge book for me, so I decided to keep on…hoping it would get tolerable at least. As I got further, I found that I was more interested….had a few chuckles. I started thinking…"Oh yeah, I remember these characters…they are quite funny." By 80%……I was LAUGHING OUT LOUD!!! Too funny. Christopher Moore you crack me up! Abby Normal is "the bomb!" Not quite a 4, but 3.5 for sure!

  17. 5 out of 5

    Ben Babcock

    This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. Previously, on Ben’s reviews… Jody and Thomas. I can’t even. I find Jody’s characterization hugely problematic…. I just wish Moore hadn’t ruined what might have been a great thing by falling back on clichéd jokes, like, “I could stand to lose five pounds.” We get it: women are obsessed with their weight! Hah-hah, very funny. I’ll pencil in a laugh sometime next week. I’m going to try the next book, because Moore has earned a lot of credit with me. But if Thomas pulls anything like that again, I’m o Previously, on Ben’s reviews… Jody and Thomas. I can’t even. I find Jody’s characterization hugely problematic…. I just wish Moore hadn’t ruined what might have been a great thing by falling back on clichéd jokes, like, “I could stand to lose five pounds.” We get it: women are obsessed with their weight! Hah-hah, very funny. I’ll pencil in a laugh sometime next week. I’m going to try the next book, because Moore has earned a lot of credit with me. But if Thomas pulls anything like that again, I’m out of here. I have better things to do with my time than watch an insecure guy try to stop his vampire ladyfriend from leaving her in progressively creepier and rapier ways. And now, the continuation… You Suck picks up almost literally where Bloodsucking Fiends left off: C. Thomas Flood is a vampire, having been bitten by his vampiric girlfriend Jody. Once her daylight minion, now they have to find a new minion for the both of them. But the heat is on in San Francisco, because they have savvy detectives, an Emperor, and a Safeway night shift crew breathing down their pale necks. I have to say, this book starts off with much more promise than Bloodsucking Fiends. Tommy and Jody’s relationship dynamic has changed. I wouldn’t say they are on “equal” footing now, but they are both vampires, at least. Jody herself is definitely more confident here, and Moore explicitly shows how much she delights in flaunting her sexuality for herself, because she no longer fears walking alone at night. That’s all well and good. Indeed, I’ll go ahead and say that the characterization of the two protagonists is much improved. The other characters? Not so much. Every remaining character falls back into one or more stereotypes in Moore’s attempt to wring as much clichéd humour from this book as possible. I started to tune out and skim when he introduced Blue, the hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold (and blue skin), and almost entirely checked out when dead whores started showing up. Right, Moore, look … I don’t care whether your book has a “strong female protagonist.” I don’t care if your book has two female protagonists who show interesting and different sides to living as a woman in San Francisco. (I love Abby’s gothy teenage geekiness!) Fridging women is not OK. Joking about fridging dead whores is also not OK. The former does not, will never, excuse the latter. Similarly, the fact that Blue comes back—out of the blue—as a vampire doesn’t make up for the tasteless jokes at her expense. Any enjoyment I was getting from You Suck was sucked out of me—pun intended—by these missteps. At least Bloodsucking Fiends had stakes. (No, I mean plot stakes, not wooden stakes—gah. Why is this happening?!) The elusive and mysterious Elijah was a credible antagonist in the first book. Now he’s just a nuisance, and most of the conflict comes from Tommy and Jody running around trying to train Abby and move. Yes, this entire book is a sitcom about moving to the apartment down the block. Towards the very end, the book shifts more and more into Abby’s first-person diary perspective. Now, I love Abby, and I loved her diary entries when they were intermittent. The more frequently they appeared, the more they grated in tone, though. The sudden appearance of Steve as a vampire hunter/love interest for Abby at the eleventh hour is almost as unsatisfactory as the wimpiness of the new vampires on the block. Sigh. I didn’t even realize how worked up I was about this until I wrote this review, and now I just can’t even. Do I read the third book? It’s on my shelf, checked out the same time I borrowed this one. They are quick—I read this at a ball game, so I could read book three in less than an afternoon. But is it worth it? The cover copy seems to promise that it foregrounds Abby and includes a vampire cat. But is it worth it? I have since read the third book. It was worth it. Kind of. Review forthcoming!

  18. 4 out of 5

    Wing Kee

    One really amazing new character, and one really not balances this second book out. World: The world buildling is fun, from the insane premise to the rules and the characters that inhabit this weird crazy slice of San Francisco it’s a hoot. Everytime I read Moore’s book I think of Hiaasen who has the same knack for setting an absurd and hilarious stage for his characters to wander around in. This time around it’s a direct sequel so the pieces of the world are all there, there is a slight expansio One really amazing new character, and one really not balances this second book out. World: The world buildling is fun, from the insane premise to the rules and the characters that inhabit this weird crazy slice of San Francisco it’s a hoot. Everytime I read Moore’s book I think of Hiaasen who has the same knack for setting an absurd and hilarious stage for his characters to wander around in. This time around it’s a direct sequel so the pieces of the world are all there, there is a slight expansion but not really and that’s fine with me. Story: The story continues from the events of the last book, and it’s a fun ride. The consequences of book one are felt here and leads to move insane drama and situations that will make you laugh out loud. You’ll laugh, you’ll feel uncomfortable, you get annoyed, all the emotions are all there. The new addition of Abby is absolutely fantastic and is the best thing in the series after Jody (more below) and the introduction of Blue and honestly the entire storyline of the Animals was pointles and irksome and pretty gross to say the least. They do balance each other out in the end and my love for Abby and my loating of Blue makes this book on par with the first book (if there was no Blue this would have been amazing). The end was interesting, not what I expected but it was heartfelt and also bonkers and hilarious. I look forward to the next chapter of this series. Characters: Jody and Teddy are great, they have such great chemistry together, their banter and their relationship is pretty weird and unhealthy but at the same time beautiful and romantic, they are well done. Their arc this time around is deceptively simple, but the emotions involved, the hidden feelings of how couples grow and learn to live with each other is really well done, even if it’s insane. Abby is the best thing in the book hands down, her dialog, her personal voice is mental and every time she opened her mouth I laughed out loud, she’s a stereotypes and so are a lot of the characters in this satire but wow is she the best or what!? Blue was a meh character and her story along with the Animals felt tacked on and there because the these characters were in the last book and needed to show up, but honestly I really don’t care about them, these guys and gals are pretty unsavory in a raunchy disgusting way which I usually don’t mind that type of comedy but here it’s just...a step too far. I liked this second book, it has an amazing new character and if not for the other not so amazing one would have blown the first book out of the water. Onward to the next book!

  19. 5 out of 5

    Aaron

    A hugely entertaining lightweight page turner about modern day vampires living in SF. A cast of very likable characters kept me thoroughly captivated. This is especially true of one Abby Normal, 16 year old goth girl, minion to The Vampire Flood, and part time narrator through her diary entries like this: Chapter 16: Being the Chronicles of One Abby Normal, Completely Fucked Servant of The Vampire Flood. OMFG! W00T!! I have failed. Left my duty undone, like so much dog poop on the blooming sidewa A hugely entertaining lightweight page turner about modern day vampires living in SF. A cast of very likable characters kept me thoroughly captivated. This is especially true of one Abby Normal, 16 year old goth girl, minion to The Vampire Flood, and part time narrator through her diary entries like this: Chapter 16: Being the Chronicles of One Abby Normal, Completely Fucked Servant of The Vampire Flood. OMFG! W00T!! I have failed. Left my duty undone, like so much dog poop on the blooming sidewalk of the tragedy that is my life. Even as I sit here at the Metreon Starbucks, writing this. The froth slaves seem to move like silver eyed zombies, and my nonfat soy amaretto mochachino has gone as bitter as snake bile, which is like, the bitterest bile you can get. If there wasn’t a TOTALLY hot guy two tables away, acting like he doesn’t notice me, I would weep. But real tears make your mascara run, so I’m staying chilly in my despair. You’re loss cute guy, for I have been chosen. Suffer bitch. I had to leave lord Flood to his own devices last night. But before I left I confessed my undying love for him. I am a hopeless ho’s beast. All I had to do was say goodbye, but no, I just barked it out. It’s like he has this power over me. Like I have an eating disorder and he’s a package of Oreo Double Stuffed cookies. I don’t have an eating disorder, I’m just skinny because I enjoy eating mass quantities and then yacking it back up. It’s not a body image problem. I think my system has always wanted to survive on a liquid diet, and until I’m brought into my Dark Lord’s loving embrace, it’s Starbucks for me. (Transcribed from Audio, so I probably got the punctuation wrong.) Yeah, I'm totally tickled.

  20. 5 out of 5

    Frank

    YOU SUCK Christopher Moore. Actually, you're okay. The book YOU SUCK was okay too. Not great, not awful. Okay. This is my second foray into Christopher Moore and as with the first go around, I found myself fighting to care about the story. I knew this was book two of the series but I was assured by many folks it would not matter to read this first. It seemed most backstory was provided so I don't think that's where the disconnect started. I can't place my finger on what the disconnect is, either. YOU SUCK Christopher Moore. Actually, you're okay. The book YOU SUCK was okay too. Not great, not awful. Okay. This is my second foray into Christopher Moore and as with the first go around, I found myself fighting to care about the story. I knew this was book two of the series but I was assured by many folks it would not matter to read this first. It seemed most backstory was provided so I don't think that's where the disconnect started. I can't place my finger on what the disconnect is, either. This time around I found it difficult to rally around the characters and latch onto a single one of the to care about. Perhaps Abby Normal, a perennial Moore character, had the most appeal but she played more of a supporting role in this one. The story itself was enjoyable enough and it rallied to a strong ending. My own writing is often compared by readers to that of Christopher Moore. It was that comparison that made me want to pick up this book. I can see the parallels too which makes it all the more perplexing as to why I can't seem to connect with his books. Maybe I relate too much. Maybe I need to read something else from Christopher Moore. PRACTICAL DEMONKEEPING looks good.

  21. 5 out of 5

    Sarah

    Moore is a crafty writer who has perfected his quirky yet addictive style; you can tell quickly that Moore is the author if you just dive anywhere into any of his series of books. He has a rare talent to depict extremely violent acts with a dark humor that leaves you smiling at the memory of a puddle of gore. There are some scenarios that you may never get out of your mind; my favorite is that of a giant lizard monster attempting explosive copulation with a gasoline tank truck.

  22. 5 out of 5

    Rat-A-Tat-Tatter

    Didn't suck.

  23. 5 out of 5

    Dez Nemec

    Well that was certainly a different vampire book. I was expecting more humor, but it was pretty good. The ending definitely pushed it over into 3 stars. GREAT ending.

  24. 4 out of 5

    Caroline Åsgård

    I didn't think this book was that good. The first book was funny, but the jokes in this just got too juvenile, I think. The characters just aren't interesting. Like the first book, it is very slow paced for the most of it, and then ''the big battle'' at the end goes over pretty quickly. And again it cuts between different characters way too fast. You don't have to read the first book to read this one, as everything is explained.

  25. 4 out of 5

    Sara Hemenway

    So. This book. I read the first one in this trilogy, Bloodsucking Fiends, probably in 8th grade or freshman year of high school. At the time, it felt edgy, and I felt a little naughty reading it. Most of all, it was funny. Sometimes a little ridiculous, but quite entertaining. After re-reading it last month, it still mostly holds up that way for me. It's a quick, fun read. This, however, was... less fun. I think one of the worst things about it is that the first book was published in the latter half So. This book. I read the first one in this trilogy, Bloodsucking Fiends, probably in 8th grade or freshman year of high school. At the time, it felt edgy, and I felt a little naughty reading it. Most of all, it was funny. Sometimes a little ridiculous, but quite entertaining. After re-reading it last month, it still mostly holds up that way for me. It's a quick, fun read. This, however, was... less fun. I think one of the worst things about it is that the first book was published in the latter half of the 1990s. At that point, hardly anyone had a cell phone, and if I recall correctly, that is even mentioned in the first book. This book starts the day after Bloodsucking Fiends ends, but was published in 2007. That's a large amount of time between books, but the author seems to have forgotten that his original story happened in the late 90s, because suddenly the characters are all carrying cell phones and downloading music at Starbucks with WiFi. It was a fast read, and it was interesting to see what he came up with as the continuing story of Jody and Tommy. But overall, it fell kind of flat. Abby was funny at times, so that was nice. Despite this trilogy being called, "A Love Story," I still don't believe that Jody loves Tommy. Or vice versa, actually. This installment just made that more glaringly apparent. Now I'm trying to decide if I should read the third book.

  26. 5 out of 5

    Jackie "the Librarian"

    Sporadically funny, disjointed vampires-in-love story, that almost stands alone from it's prequel, Bloodsucking Fiends. Jody and Tommy are young, new vampires, just trying to make things work. But life is so complicated when you're vampires! Just figuring out who to have for dinner can be a chore! First of all, they need a minion (okay, I loved the minion, Abby Normal) to do their daytime errands, like getting them a new apartment. They have to move, because Tommy's old gang at work has learned Sporadically funny, disjointed vampires-in-love story, that almost stands alone from it's prequel, Bloodsucking Fiends. Jody and Tommy are young, new vampires, just trying to make things work. But life is so complicated when you're vampires! Just figuring out who to have for dinner can be a chore! First of all, they need a minion (okay, I loved the minion, Abby Normal) to do their daytime errands, like getting them a new apartment. They have to move, because Tommy's old gang at work has learned that he's a vampire now, them and the blue call-girl they've brought back from Vegas, and they are probably going to come after him. And then there's the old vampire who turned Jody to start with, and he gets loose and starts killing people. More and more of the characters get turned into vampires, unexplained threads from the previous book come into play, and the action gets messier and messier until the end, when nothing is resolved. It is all just paused until the next installment. I might have enjoyed this more if I'd read Bloodsucking Fiends, but I didn't enjoy this one enough to bother. Eh.

  27. 5 out of 5

    Lisa

    This is so funny that I kept cracking-up listening to this audiobook while walking the dog. Love it!

  28. 4 out of 5

    Leslie

    2.75/5 stars Okay, I'm going to be honest here... I bought this from a clearance bin because the author has the same name as my husband. LOL. It has been sitting on my shelf for years but it fits into a reading challenge. I made myself finally open it up. I haven't read anything by this author and had no idea what to expect going in. I just knew that it was about Vampires. I also didn't know that it was second in a series but I didn't feel lost at all. It does a great job of recapping what happene 2.75/5 stars Okay, I'm going to be honest here... I bought this from a clearance bin because the author has the same name as my husband. LOL. It has been sitting on my shelf for years but it fits into a reading challenge. I made myself finally open it up. I haven't read anything by this author and had no idea what to expect going in. I just knew that it was about Vampires. I also didn't know that it was second in a series but I didn't feel lost at all. It does a great job of recapping what happened in the first book. This is about a vampire, Jody, who turns her love slave, "minion" into a vampire. Basically, it's about him figuring out his new vampire life and them running from a bunch of people. Another "minion" (human to do their day chores) is chosen and this is where things kind of get crazy for me. The narrative is switched up with her recounts in a diary. She wildly exaggerates and her language is just way too disturbing for me. See the problem is, it confuses on me on what is actually happening and what she has made up in mind. Sometimes you get what happened from another persons point of view and sometimes you don't. It just felt really sloppy to me. It's a quick read and I got through rather quickly. The story is quite interesting. There is a lot of humor and I found it funny. There's a part in this book, about Jody and an elderly man, and it's actually quite beautiful. I didn't hate this book but I didn't love it. I liked it enough to finish it rather quickly. I will not be picking up anything by this author. I don't think his writing style is quite my thing. Sorry to my husband, who was hoping this was a masterpiece, since it has his name on it. :-D Books Are The New Black

  29. 4 out of 5

    Jan

    I'm not into vampire stories at all, and I'm pretty sure I never will be. But I made an exception here because this series is seriously funny, like laugh out loud funny, the kind of funny where the iced mocha that I just took a sip of shoots right back out of my mouth because I'm laughing so hard at something I just read. The first book was hysterical. This second book in the trilogy even more so. It's just what I needed during a week that kinda sucked.

  30. 5 out of 5

    BookishCrab

    Hilarious. I literally laughed out loud at this one.

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